Friends With Ex

“Can I remain friends with my ex? ”

Well, you can do whatever you would like to do after break up because you have only one life and it’s your choice how to live your life after the end of relationships.

But please, don’t trick yourself. Asking about being friends with your ex, women most of the time really mean if it’s ok for them to see their exes and play it cool with very secret hope of “winning” their ex back.

Now let’s figure out what do you really want. Do you want to be happy? Then you should remember that life is about moving forward, not backwards. Do you want to scratch your ego? Some women spend tons of efforts and energy on getting ex back only to serve to their huge ego. Would those women reach happiness at the end?

When I’m asked if someone should remain friends with her ex, I usually ask back, “should you eat cakes three times a day to lose weight?” If your main goal to heal your broken heart, become happy and move forward toward real love you deserve, then being friends and seeing your ex will keep you stuck in the unresolved situation.

Personally I believe in friendship between exes only in very rare situations. The friendship is possible when both ex partners have no romantic feelings and/or sexual attraction. Instead, they would have many mutual interests. But if you still have feelings for your ex, then cut the communication and run away.

If you are the one who dumped your ex, then first of all I’m not sure how you ended up on this site and second of all it won’t be fair toward your ex. What means “friendship” for you, might mean “false hope” for him.

Even in regular life I believe in friendship between man and woman only if there is no mutual attraction. If one person is secretly hopes to win another person over, it’s not exact definition of friendship. As a wise man told me once, “The friendship between man and woman is called a relationship…and if the friendship is becoming too strong, then it gets upgraded to marriage.” I agree with that man, but again, it’s my personal opinion plus lots and lots of experience (mine as well as my clients)

There is a little “friendship story.” I’ll call people I’m going to talk about “The Guy” and “The Girl.” In the beginning they had a mutual friend, but then became friends in their own. When they met, they liked different people and had no chemistry what so ever. “He is a great guy, I wish I could feel something,” thought The Girl who was so much into another, emotionally unavailable guy.

The Guy and The Girl spent lots of time together and even went on a trip. They were happy, enjoyed and respected each other’s company, shared secrets, discussed their dates, laughed a lot, called each other any time they wanted, went out almost every weekend…till one time the guy made a move.

To make long story short…they had sex. Then they started to date because they hoped the situation to work out.  Then they broke up because in reality they still both liked different people. The break up was painful, and they never could be friends again.

 

Of course, each particular situation is different and there are no general opinions and rules. However, if you would like to quit smoking it’s better not to carry cigarettes. If you want to heal your broken heart is safer to stay away from your ex. If he’s “the one” for you, he wouldn’t be called your ex by now, would he?”

7 Reasons Why You Should NOT Get Ex Back

 

Chapter From ”WHY DID HE DUMP ME OR BROKEN HEART 911″ Book

 

Reason #1 – “Done it Once…”

If a person has done something to you once, he is going to do it again. People are programmed to operate a certain way.

If you are thinking I’m wrong and that that isn’t true, that maybe he just made a mistake, I can tell you without hesitation right here and now that whatever he did to you was not a mistake. It was his nature. It is who and what he is all about. If a guy cheats on you just once, it is not “by mistake.” Ok, maybe it was a mistake, as though it was too dark and he mixed you up with some other girl. Is that what you call a mistake?

I don’t care how many times he screams and shouts and swears to you that it’s never going to happen again. It is just not true. It will happen again AND again. Maybe not anytime soon, but it will happen again for sure.

If any guy lies to you once, he will lie to you again AND again.

If your man “disappears” for a day or a week just once, he will do it again. And there you are sitting and crying and sobbing a river of tears wondering where he went. “What did he do? Why is this happening to me?”

If he breaks up with you once, and you take him back, he will break up with you again. Are you a rug that men can walk all over with their dirty shoes?

These things happen to girls all the time. And just about every girl believes she is good enough and strong enough to get him to change. But you know what? Even if you think that you have broken his bad habits, and believe that he will change for you, there is a 99.99% likelihood he will do it all over again.

I can hear you shouting at me, saying “Erica, but I got him back and I swear he stopped doing that. He loves me, he is not cheating on me, he never lies…anymore, I mean.”

Fine, let’s say I believe you, because there is always a chance, like I said before.

However, it’s gonna take you a lot more than 21 days of hard work. Because to make it work out like you say, you really have to change your whole way of thinking and behaving, and adopt a whole new attitude. What I’m saying is that you just have to become a totally new person, and break away from the person he met back then: the person he screwed over.

One thing I can tell you for sure is this: change yourself and your whole world changes. “LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.” What I’m saying is that if there is a guy you are just aching to be with, you have to understand that by feeling and acting the same old way, you have made it impossible for yourself to ever be with him. In order to turn that situation around and make it work, or at least give yourself the best chance for it to work, you are just going to have to change.

I know this may strike you as confusing but once you become a “different person,” you probably won’t be interested in this guy you are dying to be with. And you know why? Because he will not excite the NEW YOU.

One of my clients had a long distance relationship and hadn’t seen her ex boyfriend in over eight months. She kept going on and on, telling me she couldn’t get him out of her mind.

I kept telling her that she had to forget him and get on with her life. She refused and asked me why. I told her “It’s because the guy who left you represents who you were the moment you met him. And that was well over a year ago.” I told her that she had changed but he hadn’t, and that he would always be the same.

Let me explain what I’m talking about because you might not be familiar with this concept.

Every man you met represents you at the moment you meet him. He is the reflection of your inner self. If you want only money, life might send you a heartless millionaire who can provide you with financial resources. And when you honestly fall for him, and ask why he is not able to love you back, brace yourself for the answer – it’s because of the money you wanted so much in the first place. If you wanted sex at that moment, life would have sent you a sex machine to satisfy you.

LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE! If you succeed in getting him back into your life, strap on your seat belt because now your life will be an emotional roller coaster with more ups and downs than the stock market.

Every person in our lives is there for a reason. They teach us things at particular times in our growth as human beings.

If today you met your best friend for the very first time (the same best friend you met in reality ten years ago) you may not have anything in common – you may not even like each other. Why? Because today, you are not the same person you were ten years ago when you met your best friend and you needed him and he needed you, and you gave each other what needed to be given.

Reason #2 – Don’t look for the future in your past, the future is in the future.

Girls, I know exactly how it feels: that your future is empty and meaningless without Him. Do all of the following things, and it will make your life better:

Convince yourself that you are on a strict diet and think of him as a craving.

If you are like me then you know that the first days of a diet are always the most difficult because we desperately crave something we should not have – like ice cream, chocolate or French fries. But if we stay strong for a few days, we can get used to living without those desperate cravings of ours. The latest studies prove that the cravings we have in our minds last for only five minutes, so if we can stay strong and get over those cravings, they will go away.

If you think of him as a “craving” and remember that all cravings disappear after just 5 minutes of will power, you will survive and be a stronger person for it.

Like every diet, sometimes it gets too hard dealing with your cravings. So when your craving for him becomes overwhelming just promise yourself that in six months you will allow yourself a little piece of HIM – what I mean is that all you need to satisfy this deep rooted craving is a phone call to hear his voice live or on his answering machine. You will feel so much better for these two reasons:

1) You CAN handle your cravings- Congratulations! This is a tremendous accomplishment in your life. You are on your way to recovery.

2) By the time six months has rolled around and you make that phone call, you might not even need him anymore. You might have lost ten pounds and look great, you might have a new job, you might have met a new man, a new TRUE LOVE.

He is the one who has lost YOU. It is not the other way around!

Every life is precious. Every person has good inside of them. Every person wants to be liked, and every person not only wants to be loved, but NEEDS LOVE.

Remember that yesterday is gone and that he is part of the past. You know how much you loved him, you remember all those things you did for him and how much it hurt to know that he walked out on you and may already be with somebody else. Pity the poor girl who ends up with the man who walked out on you.

You are a beautiful person even if you have made some mistakes, and have been a poor judge of character. We are only human.

Reason #3 – Remember the Beauty of the Broken Vase.

When you break a vase, you gather all the pieces together and glue them back in place like a puzzle. But as soon as you pour water into the vase, it will start leaking. A broken relationship is just like a broken vase.

Reason #4 – Your relationship was not a waste. You were in training, but didn’t know that at the time.

Just as we learn from every person in our life, we also learn something from every event that transpires. Life’s lessons are taught to us every day. We may not recognize what we are learning at that particular moment and time, but make no mistake about it: We are always learning.

When you go to a restaurant and a waiter brings your steak in a skillet, and tells you not to touch the plate because it’s hot, you touch it anyway and burn your finger and scream, “That IS hot!” Why did you touch it after you were told not to? There could be several reasons. Maybe you didn’t believe him. Maybe you wanted to see just how hot it really was. The point is this – you learned something from the experience.

The expression EVERYTHING THAT DOESN’T KILL US MAKES US STRONGER is true.

Accept the fact that the time you spent in the relationship that ended abruptly taught you more things than you can ever imagine about your man in particular, men in general, and about the type of woman you really are.

You will never forget that look on his face and the words he spoke that made you cry. You will never let any man treat you the same way again because you have learned about who you are from the relationship that you just had.

The entire time you were with him, you thought you had found a boyfriend, but what you really found was a treadmill for your soul. He was exercise equipment and nothing more. Now that he is gone and it is over between two of you, you can look back on this episode as having been a wonderful training lesson to prepare you for your ONE TRUE LOVE, who you have not yet met. Your soul will be better prepared next time. All the tears you cried over him were a down payment on the longer lasting and loving relationship that you deserve.

Reason #5 – What the hell did you fall in love with anyway?

When did Prince Charming become selfish, cruel, mean and disrespectful to you? When did you start blaming yourself for the misery he was causing you? He made you feel as though your problems with him were your fault. He brainwashed you into believing what he wanted you to believe about him – that he was a nice, generous, kind, funny and loving man who could never hurt you.

This doesn’t mean that you were a stupid person. You were just a woman with a warm heart and open arms wanting to love a man and to be loved for who you are.

Have you ever bought yourself something expensive – like a new car or a diamond ring? Remember how those sales people treated you the minute you walked through their door? They were ready to kiss your feet, but you made them to kiss your ass to make a sale.

As soon as you handed over your money, the sale was completed and out the door you went, and wham, they could not care less about you. Of course, not all sales people are so cold. Some would provide you with their best service for as long as you own that car or wear your diamond ring.

Were you getting the “best service” from your boyfriend? Or was your Prince Charming occasionally offering his Monthly Special, like dinner and a movie on the last Saturday of the month? The Monster who spent the other thirty days the month with you was revealing his true character to you the entire time you were together but you refused to trust your instincts that told you something was wrong with him.

What do you want from a man? A Monster for thirty days and a Prince Charming for 24 hours? Don’t you deserve Prince Charming each and every day of your life?

If you want that Monster, then be my guest. You can stop reading now. You can always read this later after he breaks your heart all over again.

Reason #6 – Your efforts and energy…do they have any value?

I remember waking up on Valentines Day crying my eyes out. I was talking out loud through my tears, saying “How did this happen to me? What kind of a man he is anyway?” I called my healer and adviser, telling him about all of these “love attacks” that made me dial my beloved ex boyfriend’s number, trying to get him on the line just to tell him about what he did to me and how he toe my heart out.

I asked my healer what I should do when my heart is squeezed like an orange and all my “happy life juice” is draining out me. I told him I spent so much of my time trying to fight those attacks, desperately wanting to forget about my love, but I just spent hours and hours crying until I was so exhausted that I couldn’t do anything for myself. I felt useless and depressed, and it took me days to put myself back together.

This is what my healer said: “Erica, calm down.” He told me to “get a class of water, sip it slowly and just listen to me.”

Then he said, “Erica, you remind me of a person who spends all day long making mess around her beautiful house and then cleaning up all of the mess. That person is so busy producing mess and then cleaning it all up that she does not have time to live her life, she has no time to sleep either, and sleeping well is very important for healthy life.”

“Erica, if you remain this dedicated to making mess all day and all night, you will never have time for your son, for your family, for your friends, you won’t be able to do your job, you will never to have time to make new friends, to meet a new boyfriend who will love you and to achieve all your big dreams.”

That was the moment that I literally opened my eyes. He was so right. Why was I wasting all of my valuable time and energy chasing after this Monster who didn’t give a shit about me, just to explain to him how much I love him?

Honestly girls, I stopped crying immediately. All of a sudden, I realized that I had been neglecting so many things that were much more important. I have never wasted my efforts since. And neither should you.

Reason #7 – Getting revenge! Is it worth the effort?

So many girls I’ve spoken to just wanted to get back with the ex boyfriend to prove to him that he was totally wrong about breaking up.

Of course, a lot of girls said that they wanted to teach him a lesson. And almost everyone let me know that they had this little thought flashing inside their heads: “Wouldn’t it be great if he came back to me and was able to see a much more beautiful and successful and extra confident woman then I was before he left me? Wouldn’t it be great just to give him special fancy date and then dump him, just like he did to me?”

Let’s face it, we have all shared the same thought and there is nothing to be ashamed about. After all, we are just people with weaknesses. It’s a good thing that you are able to recognize these thoughts because it’s an important part of the process to recognize the state your mind is in after what he put you through. Many girls refuse to admit having these thoughts and temptations. Ladies, it is essential to the healing process to always say NO to your desire to get back with him. And if you need to know why this is an absolute condition for moving on with your life, then re-read Rule #6.

If you use your valuable time and energy just to get him back and then dump him, I swear, all you will feel in the end is more sadness, deep depression, stress beyond belief and emptiness that will make you sick.