Bad Break Up

“We had a very bad break up, how could I fix it?” is a very common question. Please don’t trick yourself with the addicting word, “bad”. Just face the fact that your relationship just ended.

 What if you had a good break up? Imagine that your man who you spent a few years with you and who you loved to death invited you to a five start restaurant, giving you a present and saying, “you are the most beautiful and smart woman I’ve ever met, goodbye forever.” And you would answer “Thank you for the beautiful dinner, goodbye” and leave with a smile. Now that is what I call a happy end.

Well, I’m sure a “bad break up” for you means at least a couple of scratches on his face, throwing a few dozen items at him, a couple hundred curses, and a at least a thousand uses of the same words during “girls night out” describing his behavior and personality.

Now, stop blaming yourself and him for a second. You broke up. The end. This is not the end of your world, but the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Personally, I love break-ups. Not that I’m enjoying them as an activity, but I like to remove sad feelings and feel excited about the near future and a figurative new life. As soon as you emotionally clean up the space, something better will show up.

The end of an old relationship means a new and better relationship. While reading this, you might become angry and sarcastic. You might  say “what is she talking about, he was my only chance because he is…blah blah blah.: Yes, if you will become negative, angry, non exceptive, self destructive, and a mean witch who can’t look at a happy couple, then I agree. You will continue to swim in an ocean of pity and negativity and there will be no future.

I keep repeating this phrase in each and every article on purpose. Like attracts like! That’s why, first of all, you have to stop using the word, “bad”. If you weren’t civil during the break up, it means that you need to do some work on your personality. And if you are serious about going towards happiness and meeting your true soulmate, then you will work on yourself.

 But now your main goal is to get over the break up. And the first thing you’ll do is stop using word, “bad”. Time cures everything. You never know, maybe in six months you’ll see the person who you hit with a frying pan yesterday. You might be already wearing an engagement ring, you’ll apologize, and you both will laugh.

As soon as you stop using word, “bad”, you have to accept that a “break up” happened and it’s something you have to live with. Trust me, a break up isn’t any worse than an earthquake, immigration, or death. Many people live with those events and learn how be become happy again. If they could, you can too, it’s just a question of what you want. Being happy is a constant work, but it gives you happiness and joy. Being miserable is easy, but…you’ll be miserable.

The bottom line is that it does not matter what label your break up has. It happened and you have to become constructive.

Here are 5 things that you need to do in order not to feel bad about a “bad break up”

1)   A break up is a break up and the labels, “good” and “bad”, won’t bring back your love.

2)   Nothing lasts forever in this world.

3)   You have to accept the fact that the break up took place. Acceptance will help you move on.

4)   Even you didn’t behave like a lady, just forgive yourself. Learn your lesson and never repeat it again.

5)   Every circumstance means different things for different people. For someone, “bad” means not getting a goodbye kiss and for someone else, “bad” means getting drunk and almost killing an ex. Just let it go. Life will straighten everything up, this is the purpose of life…

How To Break Up

There are two view points on how to break up: from the person who initiates the break up and from the person who is dumped. Doesn’t matter which side you were…because a break up is…Great!

Reasons why a Break Up is a good thing:

1)    Do you like traveling? Who doesn’t? You can see your break up as an opportunity to travel in your life – you’ll see new people, new opportunities, and new places. If your relationships are broken – look at them as a dirty, neglected house you would like to renovate.
2)    Even if you are the most gorgeous woman at the world – there is always field for improvement. Nothing is more attractive than a woman who loves herself. The break up period is the best time to fall in love with yourself and enjoy your freedom.
3)    A Break up is not an end – it’s a new beginning. But it’s a beginning of something better. Look at the break up like pulling wisdom teeth – you will be scared to do it, then you’ll feel terrible after the procedure, but eventually you’ll feel great and look better.
Now, let’s get back on “How To Break Up”

If the break up is HIS idea

1)    Break up like a Lady – do not raise your voice, cry, pull out your gun, or throw your favorite china at him – he doesn’t deserve it.

2)    Just look at him, give the best Hollywood smile you can imagine and say “Thank you, it’s a great idea, I was thinking the same”.

3)   Then  Leave with the happiest look at your face.

4)    I do not suggest to cry, drink, eat all your ice cream and chocolate, send press release to all friends, family members, etc. You can do some of that but very quickly – you will have better things to do shortly.

5)    Commit to not answering his calls, emails, etc. for one month (if you commit for more – you’ll fail, I’ll explain to you later why it’s important)

If the break up is YOUR idea:

1)    Do not break up with him via text message or email – if you had any sort of relationship, then he deserves at least a phone call.

2)    Do not go into long explanations and give multiple reasons – just say “unfortunately, at this stage of my life I cannot be your girlfriend.”

3)    Do not feel guilty – you have only one life and can spend it the way you want.

4)    Do not tell him “let’s be friends” because he will “agree” with a hidden thought that you’ll come back.

5)    Do not agree on “good bye sex.”

7 Reasons Why You Should NOT Get Ex Back

 

Chapter From ”WHY DID HE DUMP ME OR BROKEN HEART 911″ Book

 

Reason #1 – “Done it Once…”

If a person has done something to you once, he is going to do it again. People are programmed to operate a certain way.

If you are thinking I’m wrong and that that isn’t true, that maybe he just made a mistake, I can tell you without hesitation right here and now that whatever he did to you was not a mistake. It was his nature. It is who and what he is all about. If a guy cheats on you just once, it is not “by mistake.” Ok, maybe it was a mistake, as though it was too dark and he mixed you up with some other girl. Is that what you call a mistake?

I don’t care how many times he screams and shouts and swears to you that it’s never going to happen again. It is just not true. It will happen again AND again. Maybe not anytime soon, but it will happen again for sure.

If any guy lies to you once, he will lie to you again AND again.

If your man “disappears” for a day or a week just once, he will do it again. And there you are sitting and crying and sobbing a river of tears wondering where he went. “What did he do? Why is this happening to me?”

If he breaks up with you once, and you take him back, he will break up with you again. Are you a rug that men can walk all over with their dirty shoes?

These things happen to girls all the time. And just about every girl believes she is good enough and strong enough to get him to change. But you know what? Even if you think that you have broken his bad habits, and believe that he will change for you, there is a 99.99% likelihood he will do it all over again.

I can hear you shouting at me, saying “Erica, but I got him back and I swear he stopped doing that. He loves me, he is not cheating on me, he never lies…anymore, I mean.”

Fine, let’s say I believe you, because there is always a chance, like I said before.

However, it’s gonna take you a lot more than 21 days of hard work. Because to make it work out like you say, you really have to change your whole way of thinking and behaving, and adopt a whole new attitude. What I’m saying is that you just have to become a totally new person, and break away from the person he met back then: the person he screwed over.

One thing I can tell you for sure is this: change yourself and your whole world changes. “LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.” What I’m saying is that if there is a guy you are just aching to be with, you have to understand that by feeling and acting the same old way, you have made it impossible for yourself to ever be with him. In order to turn that situation around and make it work, or at least give yourself the best chance for it to work, you are just going to have to change.

I know this may strike you as confusing but once you become a “different person,” you probably won’t be interested in this guy you are dying to be with. And you know why? Because he will not excite the NEW YOU.

One of my clients had a long distance relationship and hadn’t seen her ex boyfriend in over eight months. She kept going on and on, telling me she couldn’t get him out of her mind.

I kept telling her that she had to forget him and get on with her life. She refused and asked me why. I told her “It’s because the guy who left you represents who you were the moment you met him. And that was well over a year ago.” I told her that she had changed but he hadn’t, and that he would always be the same.

Let me explain what I’m talking about because you might not be familiar with this concept.

Every man you met represents you at the moment you meet him. He is the reflection of your inner self. If you want only money, life might send you a heartless millionaire who can provide you with financial resources. And when you honestly fall for him, and ask why he is not able to love you back, brace yourself for the answer – it’s because of the money you wanted so much in the first place. If you wanted sex at that moment, life would have sent you a sex machine to satisfy you.

LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE! If you succeed in getting him back into your life, strap on your seat belt because now your life will be an emotional roller coaster with more ups and downs than the stock market.

Every person in our lives is there for a reason. They teach us things at particular times in our growth as human beings.

If today you met your best friend for the very first time (the same best friend you met in reality ten years ago) you may not have anything in common – you may not even like each other. Why? Because today, you are not the same person you were ten years ago when you met your best friend and you needed him and he needed you, and you gave each other what needed to be given.

Reason #2 – Don’t look for the future in your past, the future is in the future.

Girls, I know exactly how it feels: that your future is empty and meaningless without Him. Do all of the following things, and it will make your life better:

Convince yourself that you are on a strict diet and think of him as a craving.

If you are like me then you know that the first days of a diet are always the most difficult because we desperately crave something we should not have – like ice cream, chocolate or French fries. But if we stay strong for a few days, we can get used to living without those desperate cravings of ours. The latest studies prove that the cravings we have in our minds last for only five minutes, so if we can stay strong and get over those cravings, they will go away.

If you think of him as a “craving” and remember that all cravings disappear after just 5 minutes of will power, you will survive and be a stronger person for it.

Like every diet, sometimes it gets too hard dealing with your cravings. So when your craving for him becomes overwhelming just promise yourself that in six months you will allow yourself a little piece of HIM – what I mean is that all you need to satisfy this deep rooted craving is a phone call to hear his voice live or on his answering machine. You will feel so much better for these two reasons:

1) You CAN handle your cravings- Congratulations! This is a tremendous accomplishment in your life. You are on your way to recovery.

2) By the time six months has rolled around and you make that phone call, you might not even need him anymore. You might have lost ten pounds and look great, you might have a new job, you might have met a new man, a new TRUE LOVE.

He is the one who has lost YOU. It is not the other way around!

Every life is precious. Every person has good inside of them. Every person wants to be liked, and every person not only wants to be loved, but NEEDS LOVE.

Remember that yesterday is gone and that he is part of the past. You know how much you loved him, you remember all those things you did for him and how much it hurt to know that he walked out on you and may already be with somebody else. Pity the poor girl who ends up with the man who walked out on you.

You are a beautiful person even if you have made some mistakes, and have been a poor judge of character. We are only human.

Reason #3 – Remember the Beauty of the Broken Vase.

When you break a vase, you gather all the pieces together and glue them back in place like a puzzle. But as soon as you pour water into the vase, it will start leaking. A broken relationship is just like a broken vase.

Reason #4 – Your relationship was not a waste. You were in training, but didn’t know that at the time.

Just as we learn from every person in our life, we also learn something from every event that transpires. Life’s lessons are taught to us every day. We may not recognize what we are learning at that particular moment and time, but make no mistake about it: We are always learning.

When you go to a restaurant and a waiter brings your steak in a skillet, and tells you not to touch the plate because it’s hot, you touch it anyway and burn your finger and scream, “That IS hot!” Why did you touch it after you were told not to? There could be several reasons. Maybe you didn’t believe him. Maybe you wanted to see just how hot it really was. The point is this – you learned something from the experience.

The expression EVERYTHING THAT DOESN’T KILL US MAKES US STRONGER is true.

Accept the fact that the time you spent in the relationship that ended abruptly taught you more things than you can ever imagine about your man in particular, men in general, and about the type of woman you really are.

You will never forget that look on his face and the words he spoke that made you cry. You will never let any man treat you the same way again because you have learned about who you are from the relationship that you just had.

The entire time you were with him, you thought you had found a boyfriend, but what you really found was a treadmill for your soul. He was exercise equipment and nothing more. Now that he is gone and it is over between two of you, you can look back on this episode as having been a wonderful training lesson to prepare you for your ONE TRUE LOVE, who you have not yet met. Your soul will be better prepared next time. All the tears you cried over him were a down payment on the longer lasting and loving relationship that you deserve.

Reason #5 – What the hell did you fall in love with anyway?

When did Prince Charming become selfish, cruel, mean and disrespectful to you? When did you start blaming yourself for the misery he was causing you? He made you feel as though your problems with him were your fault. He brainwashed you into believing what he wanted you to believe about him – that he was a nice, generous, kind, funny and loving man who could never hurt you.

This doesn’t mean that you were a stupid person. You were just a woman with a warm heart and open arms wanting to love a man and to be loved for who you are.

Have you ever bought yourself something expensive – like a new car or a diamond ring? Remember how those sales people treated you the minute you walked through their door? They were ready to kiss your feet, but you made them to kiss your ass to make a sale.

As soon as you handed over your money, the sale was completed and out the door you went, and wham, they could not care less about you. Of course, not all sales people are so cold. Some would provide you with their best service for as long as you own that car or wear your diamond ring.

Were you getting the “best service” from your boyfriend? Or was your Prince Charming occasionally offering his Monthly Special, like dinner and a movie on the last Saturday of the month? The Monster who spent the other thirty days the month with you was revealing his true character to you the entire time you were together but you refused to trust your instincts that told you something was wrong with him.

What do you want from a man? A Monster for thirty days and a Prince Charming for 24 hours? Don’t you deserve Prince Charming each and every day of your life?

If you want that Monster, then be my guest. You can stop reading now. You can always read this later after he breaks your heart all over again.

Reason #6 – Your efforts and energy…do they have any value?

I remember waking up on Valentines Day crying my eyes out. I was talking out loud through my tears, saying “How did this happen to me? What kind of a man he is anyway?” I called my healer and adviser, telling him about all of these “love attacks” that made me dial my beloved ex boyfriend’s number, trying to get him on the line just to tell him about what he did to me and how he toe my heart out.

I asked my healer what I should do when my heart is squeezed like an orange and all my “happy life juice” is draining out me. I told him I spent so much of my time trying to fight those attacks, desperately wanting to forget about my love, but I just spent hours and hours crying until I was so exhausted that I couldn’t do anything for myself. I felt useless and depressed, and it took me days to put myself back together.

This is what my healer said: “Erica, calm down.” He told me to “get a class of water, sip it slowly and just listen to me.”

Then he said, “Erica, you remind me of a person who spends all day long making mess around her beautiful house and then cleaning up all of the mess. That person is so busy producing mess and then cleaning it all up that she does not have time to live her life, she has no time to sleep either, and sleeping well is very important for healthy life.”

“Erica, if you remain this dedicated to making mess all day and all night, you will never have time for your son, for your family, for your friends, you won’t be able to do your job, you will never to have time to make new friends, to meet a new boyfriend who will love you and to achieve all your big dreams.”

That was the moment that I literally opened my eyes. He was so right. Why was I wasting all of my valuable time and energy chasing after this Monster who didn’t give a shit about me, just to explain to him how much I love him?

Honestly girls, I stopped crying immediately. All of a sudden, I realized that I had been neglecting so many things that were much more important. I have never wasted my efforts since. And neither should you.

Reason #7 – Getting revenge! Is it worth the effort?

So many girls I’ve spoken to just wanted to get back with the ex boyfriend to prove to him that he was totally wrong about breaking up.

Of course, a lot of girls said that they wanted to teach him a lesson. And almost everyone let me know that they had this little thought flashing inside their heads: “Wouldn’t it be great if he came back to me and was able to see a much more beautiful and successful and extra confident woman then I was before he left me? Wouldn’t it be great just to give him special fancy date and then dump him, just like he did to me?”

Let’s face it, we have all shared the same thought and there is nothing to be ashamed about. After all, we are just people with weaknesses. It’s a good thing that you are able to recognize these thoughts because it’s an important part of the process to recognize the state your mind is in after what he put you through. Many girls refuse to admit having these thoughts and temptations. Ladies, it is essential to the healing process to always say NO to your desire to get back with him. And if you need to know why this is an absolute condition for moving on with your life, then re-read Rule #6.

If you use your valuable time and energy just to get him back and then dump him, I swear, all you will feel in the end is more sadness, deep depression, stress beyond belief and emptiness that will make you sick.